The Growing Pains of Tom Riddle
by kirraleadatsme
Summary: What can I say? Even evil, murderous supervillans go through puberty. And Tom Riddle is going to be having some fun, yet embarrassing times on this wild ride.
1. The Talk

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything... except Mr. Harper. And I'm putting a copyright on him, so you'll have to pay me when you use him. Bwhahahaha!

A/N# I'd just like to take the time to thank J.K. Rowling for making Tom Riddle such an evil character. I LIKE my boys bad!

**JANUARY**

**JAN 1st**

Dear Diary, as most muggles usually say. My name is Tom Marvolo Riddle. I am a wizard. This diary was given to me for Christmas last year by Mrs. Cole, the orphanages matron. I have a great suspicion that she gave it to me in hope of "releasing all my negative thoughts". Such a muggle way of putting it. I, however, have great plans for this diary, which have changed greatly since I received it on Christmas day. My plans at first where to through this rather thick leather-bound book at Billy Stubb's face. And he would have greatly deserved it, the stupid muggle.

But then I thought: I am a wizard, and in a few weeks I shall be leaving to finish my school year a Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. No muggle is worth getting violent over.

Although, between you and I, my dear diary. I did notice the way all those girls looked at Billy when he pranced about the room wearing his new Holland made sweater, sent by some distant relative or something. They must have thought he looked so _dashing_.

But as I said before, no Muggle is worth getting violent. Even if Amy Benson _did _spend the whole day watching him. I must remember that I am a wizard, _not _some pathetic muggle falling victim to pre-teen sex.

I am thirteen and ¾, not far from fourteen. My new year's resolution, despite the fact that I promised myself that this stupid muggle tradition was for too trivial for the likes of me, is to put all my concentration into my school work and not into distractions, i.e. girls.

Of course, I wouldn't even be worried about this issue if it wasn't for Mr. Harper. In fact, it was probably Mrs. Cole who put him up to it. Mr. Harper is the orphanages handy man, who is always trying to give me fatherly advice. I happened only a few days after Christmas…

I was sitting on one of the benches outside, in the orphanages front yard, watching the other children play in the snow. I could see Mr. Harper out of the corner of my eye and before I could walk away, he placed his muggle behind next to me.

"Mornin' Tom," he said cheerfully, a big smile spread across his red face.

"Morning Mr. Harper," I replied unenthusiastically.

"Had a good Christmas?"

I shrugged. "It was okay,"

"Was it? Ah, that's good," he nodded. "You like your school, Tom?"

"Yes,"

"Bin getting some good marks, have you?"

"Yes,"

"Good, good."

We sat in silence for a while, and then Mr. Harper asked: "You er… you got any girls at your school?"

"Yes,"

"Any er… _nice _girls, Tom?"

"I wouldn't know. They don't talk to me much."

"Ah… right," said Mr. Harper. "Um… any er… any _pretty _girls?"

"I don't think I've really checked,"

"Oh," said the crestfallen Mr. Harper. "Well… do you see them at _all_?"

"Yes, there are girls in all my classes,"

"Really? Right well um…" Mr. Harper paused for a few seconds. "Tom?"

"Yes?"

"At this school of yours, do they give the _talk_?"

"Oh yes,"

Mr. Harper sighed with relief.

"They give lots of talks. Especially in History," I continued.

"No, no, no! I mean _the _talk. You, know? The birds and the bees? The extended version of the stalk? You know? Where babies come from?"

"I don't see what babies have to do with my school, Mr. Harper."

Mr. Harper sighed and muttered, "I bet you don't,"

"Mr. Harper?"

"Look here, lad. There is a time when a man and a woman…"

Several minutes later.

"And nine months later a baby is born."

"Oh."

"Are you alright, Tom? You've gone all pale."

"I'm… I'm fine Mr. Harper."

"Good. Because now I can get to the point,"

"To the point? I thought you'd made it already!"

"No, no, I was just filling in some empty space," said Mr. Harper. "Anyway, my point is that you'll be fourteen soon. And you know what that means, eh?" Mr. Harper nudged me in the ribs.

"Um, I do?"

Mr. Harper sighed. "It means that you'll have just spent your first year of puberty,"

"Oh,"

"Now, you remember the little talk we had last year?"

"Yes," I grimaced. It was going to take a lot to forget last year's pep talk.

"You remember how I said you'll start noticing yourself a lot more. You know changes and what not?"

"Yes,"

"Well, this year it won't have changed much except you'll start noticing _other_ _people_ as well,"

"You mean girls, Mr. Harper?"

"Yes! That's right. You'll notice them a lot more than before, Tom me' boy!" he lowed his voice and added, "Or maybe you already have,"

I flushed, only for a second. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Mr. Harper!"

Mr. Harper shook his head. "Tom, Tom, Tom, Mrs. Cole told me _all about _the way you were looking at Amy Benson on Christmas," he winked.

I stared at the snow in silence. Damn you Mrs. Cole, you stupid interfering muggle!

"Although, can't say I blame you," Mr. Harper continued. "A very _big _girl, that Amy Benson, if you catch my drift,"

At first, I wasn't sure I did.

Mr. Harper stood up. "Well I must be going. See you later some time, Tom." I didn't bother to say goodbye.

Only a moment later, none other than Amy Benson walk past. Her face was pink and her hair was blowing and even under all her warm clothing her chest stood out like… well like… a very big chest?

I couldn't describe it. Could you even blame me? How can you describe something you have never seen before?

Besides, I have decided that Amy Benson isn't worth starting a relationship over. She is, after all, just a muggle. But then again, what a chest that muggle has!

A/N# To all you Harry Potter fans out there, in the final battle Tom Riddle is going to kick Harry Potter's bony arse! Review if you're with with me, if your not, review anyway. Praise, flames, hell I'll talke anything!


	2. The Haunting

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter for diclaimer

**JANUARY**

**JAN 4th**

Dear Diary (I must rid myself of such a muggle saying)

I feel I am going insane. Twice I was passed by Amy Benson and her explicably large chest. The first time I was on kitchen duty, which involves washing and drying the dishes. I was just standing there, drying a mug and dreaming of the day when I would rid myself of this hellhole.

Then there she went, breast poking out like a… like a small child's overbite.

Yes! Fine! I'm still trying to think of ways to describe it! Are you happy now?

Actually I thought the description was rather good for someone who has never laid eyes on a pair of tits before.

But anyway, my point is that she made me drop the mug. That means I had to clean the mess up, without using magic because I am underage, and have the orphanages chef glare at me while I finished kitchen duty.

The second time was much worse.

I was in the large living room finishing some homework for when I returned to Hogwarts. I refilled my quill with ink by dipping it into my inkwell. Only at that moment did Amy Benson walk past and said: "Hi Tom,"

I looked up and stared at that unique chest right on the full, although, she probably didn't notice the whereabouts of my eyes because she was halfway across the room. Whilst staring in bewilderment, my hand knocked over my inkwell, spilling ink all over my essay! This averted my gaze completely.

"Shit!" I cried.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle!" roared Mrs. Cole, striding into the room. "What have I said about not swearing?"

"Sorry Mrs. Cole," I muttered. I could hear Amy Benson's laugh die down as she walked down the hall.

She must have thought I was such an idiot!

I this proves anything; it proves that girls are a distraction from schoolwork. I hope there are no girls like Amy Benson at Hogwarts (Because I'm not the type of guy who bothered to look… up until now.) Because if there are, I am in trouble!

If I'm ever to be good at magic, let alone the best, I have to rid all traces of the opposite sex out of my head. I cannot afford too have any dis

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am insane! Amy Benson just

walked past, and look at what she made me do!

Now I've drawn all over my diary!

Despite my sentence above, I have decided that if

I do not see Amy Benson's breasts

this haunting shall never end!

A/N# This big gap on the left is where Tom draws over his diary because Amy Benson waks past. I did put a scribble there but it's not letting me upload it. Sorry that this chapter is a bit shorter than the last one but the upcoming chapter is going to be... well... a bit raunchy and I didn't want it to clash with this one.


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